I don't really like phones. I love my iPhone and all the cool stuff it can do that's not involved with talking to people. Text messaging, e-mail, social media, books, music, apps... The thing rocks, but voice conversations are overrated. (There's a story here, but I'm saving that for another day.)
I had a period when I would answer, listen to whatever the phone-spammer had to say, and respond with, "No thank you, but I have a great offer for you. Would you like a subscription of my books? For just $19.99 including postage and shipping you will get a signed book every month."
Attempting to sell something to a sales-person is amusing, and a great way to end the call. Sure, I realize these people are just doing their jobs the best they can, but they're still annoying.
Anyway, the other day I decided to answer, against better judgment. The phone rang from an unknown number around lunch time, and I thought it might be my mom. I don't know why I would get such an idea - she hasn't called me since some time in 2008 - but I've been thinking a lot about her lately.
It wasn't my mom. It was a man with a strong Indian accent, and deeming from the noise in the background he was at a call center.
He said, "May I speak with Maria?"
I said, "That's me."
"I have good news for you. You are eligible for a large sum of money due to a medical procedure."
I thought, "Sure I am. I also have a pink unicorn." I said, "I doubt it."
He said, "You have had a vaginal mesh surgery, and..."
I interrupted, "No I don't. I have never had a surgery."
"You've never had a surgery? Not even one?"
This was clearly a shocking piece of news. From the tone of his voice I'm supposed to have had many. Trust me, if I had any form of mesh down there I'd know.
He tried a new approach, "Well, during your last pregnancy, did you..."
I interrupted again. "I don't have children."
"Oh, I see, so you're not eligible for that. Well, have you ever taken any antidepressants, or..."
By now I was getting good at interrupting. I said, "Why don't you just update in your records that I'm not eligible for anything and you don't have to call me again. Bye, have a good day."
I hurried to hang up before he had a chance to start talking again. In retrospect, maybe I should have tried to sell him something.
Are you also battered by phone spammers? How do you deal with it?