If someone had told me yesterday that an asteroid would collide with Earth, that we'd have a flood of Biblical proportions, or that a solar storm would wipe out all our electronics, I would probably have said "I guess that could happen."
If someone had told me my dog Ellie would fall dead down, I would have said, "Ellie? That doesn't seem likely." And it's exactly what happened.
She seemed her normal self yesterday. We were out in the woods walking and she was just like normal. She bounced by the door for evening walkies, just like normal. Had dinner and asked for treats, just like normal. And fell asleep in the sofa, sleep barking a little, just like normal.
This morning, I heard her come up the stairs, it sounded like she was walking in a circle to lie down, like dogs do, and then there was a thump and a whimper. I hurried out of bed and out into the hall and I was there in seconds, but she was already dead.
I've been worried about losing my other dog, Topper, because he's starting to look old. His eyes look old and his fur is sprinkled with white where it didn't use to be. I've looked at Ellie and thought, "Soon it will just be you and me. That will be weird, I wonder how we will cope." And now she's gone.
Yesterday, I told her, "We'll do that tomorrow" and had no idea there wouldn't be a tomorrow.
There's a hole in my heart and the house is empty.
We biological creatures age and die. It's a fact of life, I know that, but every New Year I wish this will be the year when no one I love dies. I think the Universe looks at me and mumbles, "Oh, that's just adorable. You still have a lot to learn about this. Let me see what I can cook up."
The current streak started in 2016. That year, my husband, my dog Bonnie, and two good friends died. After that it just kept going. My cat Samson and my dog Boo, within months of each other. Since April last year my mom, three good friends, Mike's dad, Mike's granny, my cat Adam, my neighbor, and now Ellie. Another good friend got early Alzheimer's. She's still alive, but it's moot. She has no idea who I am.
The list is too long for such a short period of time. I wish I had something profound to say about it, but I don't.